i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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