I think I won the penis lottery.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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