Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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