You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
