saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
