I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
