is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
