You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
