the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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