I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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