dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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