Dual....:-)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
