i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
