Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
