Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
