My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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