So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
