After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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