Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
