So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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