I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
