I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
