He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
