this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
