my phone needs a breathalizer
its not stalking. its research.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
