just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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