A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
