i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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