Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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