Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
