My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
