I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
