Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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