We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
