in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
