Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
