You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
