Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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