dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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