Cold hands, warm shart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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