fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
