Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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