Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
