Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
50% drunk capacity currently
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
