fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
there is puke in my bra ... again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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