Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
