its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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