Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
