....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
