Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
