My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
