Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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