So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
