She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
