You don't have asthma, your pregnant
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize