why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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