Already got asked if we're dating
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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