You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
