I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
