when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
