apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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