I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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