remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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