i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.