My sheets look like a crime scene.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.