Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm scared

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.

  (972): View more from Texas

  That's what I'm afraid of

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  (972): I'm scared (337): There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size. (972): That's what I'm afraid of http://tfl.nu/7af7
  Replies (16) Good night (802) Bad night (3859)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That burning is chlamydia

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  (612): One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence (202): That burning is chlamydia http://tfl.nu/w9ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1025) Bad night (3847)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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  (501): i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there http://tfl.nu/kuz7
  Replies (17) Good night (4870) Bad night (714)
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  (626): View more from California

  Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life

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  (626): Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life http://tfl.nu/vx9t
  Replies (16) Good night (3430) Bad night (1290)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  morning after pill = breakfast in bed

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  (978): morning after pill = breakfast in bed http://tfl.nu/l1az
  Replies (22) Good night (1368) Bad night (3922)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.

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  (406): Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body. http://tfl.nu/hcjb
  Replies (6) Good night (1146) Bad night (2465)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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  (937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6
  Replies (14) Good night (1327) Bad night (3449)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.

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  (412): yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical. http://tfl.nu/syar
  Replies (27) Good night (1268) Bad night (694)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone

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  (630): At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone http://tfl.nu/tam4
  Replies (4) Good night (1170) Bad night (986)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

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  (972): I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls. http://tfl.nu/wzfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2970) Bad night (834)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining

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  (541): oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining http://tfl.nu/nogg
  Replies (7) Good night (456) Bad night (1419)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.

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  (+44): my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/xnmz
  Replies (6) Good night (1986) Bad night (1017)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic

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  (765): My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/h32f
  Replies (0) Good night (648) Bad night (354)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.

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  (610): In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game. http://tfl.nu/bv7v
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (314)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?

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  (212): Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows? http://tfl.nu/t64o
  Replies (8) Good night (594) Bad night (289)

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