Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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  (586): i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning http://tfl.nu/zcz6
  Replies (33) Good night (3018) Bad night (700)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.

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  (254): you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it. http://tfl.nu/sgly
  Replies (18) Good night (650) Bad night (3733)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

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  (609): Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home. http://tfl.nu/wrow
  Replies (23) Good night (4889) Bad night (908)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick

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  (519): I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick http://tfl.nu/bx5i
  Replies (18) Good night (1812) Bad night (5452)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead

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  (207): he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead http://tfl.nu/s4ov
  Replies (7) Good night (3193) Bad night (1047)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.

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  (713): He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5. http://tfl.nu/fdnd
  Replies (8) Good night (2713) Bad night (710)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

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  (717): if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it http://tfl.nu/n58g
  Replies (16) Good night (3453) Bad night (1508)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.

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  (254): Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop. http://tfl.nu/r5qk
  Replies (7) Good night (1708) Bad night (937)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag

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  (330): Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag http://tfl.nu/ebgx
  Replies (4) Good night (1143) Bad night (2010)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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  (224): I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring. http://tfl.nu/u70q
  Replies (6) Good night (2375) Bad night (646)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.

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  (918): I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/vndr
  Replies (11) Good night (1358) Bad night (590)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.

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  (757): I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date. http://tfl.nu/oqzd
  Replies (5) Good night (1392) Bad night (562)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.

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  (403): The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume. http://tfl.nu/nbz2
  Replies (5) Good night (2260) Bad night (648)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

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  (908): HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART http://tfl.nu/i6nd
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (291)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak

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  (306): of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak http://tfl.nu/lfx1
  Replies (7) Good night (345) Bad night (268)

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