Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.