i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
