my vag is so smooth its legendary
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.