So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing