what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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