ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
