I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
