I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
