I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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