They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
