Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
