Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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