its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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