Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
