do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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