In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
