btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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