yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
