So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
