I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
