.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
