I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
