When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you had me at cake vodka
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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